We’re always hearing that we could be having bether sex, a
better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the
nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest
desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa
Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender,
sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain
anonymous. Because, let’s face it, you know that you deserve the best.
Q: I have never been able to orgasm during sex. Intercourse feels
amazing; I particularly like vigorous, deep thrusting. But even when it
is as rough as I like it, I never climax. I am fine with not orgasming
every time, but it would be nice to have it happen once in a while. Any
suggestions? Or is there just something wrong with me.
A: You’re definitely not the only woman struggling with this
“problem.” So many women feel clueless about orgasm that I’ve created an
entire online course,dedicated to teaching women how to do it!
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to try to increase your chances of
reaching your peak. Today, I’m focusing on specific positions to try,
and next week, I’ll be back with even more tips and tricks for female
orgasm. (Spoiler: Lube is key.)
Every woman is different when it comes to orgasm, but the following
five positions are the ones that tend to lead to success the most
frequently. Give them each a shot and see which one works best for you.
Girl On Top
How to do it: Have him lie on his back. Climb on
top, with one leg on either side of his torso. It’s usually better to
focus more on rocking your body back and forth, rather than trying to
bob up and down. You can also try grinding your pelvis in slow circles
or in a figure-eight motion.
Why it works: Being on top is the most popular
position for a lot of women because it gives them complete control over
the pace, angle, depth, and level of stimulation. There are a ton of fun
variations of this position, making it very versatile. It’s not one of
the more intense positions for men, so your partner may be able to last a
lot longer than usual, giving you more time to reach your peak.
Variations: Turn around so that you’re facing his
feet. This position is called Reserve cowgirl. It offers a pretty
spectacular view for him, and gives you a different angle to work with.
You can also try asking him to prop his body up a bit, or even sit all
the way up. The changing position of his abdominal muscles will give you
a variety of surfaces to grind against, and the different angles of his
penis will stimulate all kinds of spots inside of you. Try leaning back
slightly, which will increase the stimulation of your G-spot. You can
also very easily reach down to stroke your clitoris, or ask him to touch
it for you. (Since many women can’t orgasm through penetration alone,
it’s always good to remember to give yourself a hand!)
How to do it: Get on your hands and knees. Have your
partner kneel behind you. He can hold onto your hips while he thrusts
away. You can either stay still, or, alternatively, push your hips back
Why it works: doggy style makes for super deep
stimulation. Women who are able to orgasm from penetration alone will
benefit from the intensity of this position, and from the direct G-spot
stimulation. Women who require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm will
find it particularly easy to use their hand or a toy in this position.
Variations: Get down on your elbows to change the
angle of penetration. Try using one hand to rub your clit, or have him
reach around your body and rub your clitoris for you. You can also have
him stand beside the bed while you stay on all fours on top of it. Your
bed has to be the right height for this to work, but he’ll be able to
thrust much more intensely if he’s standing. Another option is to slowly
lower yourself belly first onto the bed. He can either crouch low or
lay down on top of you.
Coital Alignment Technique
How to do it: Start off in missionary position, with
you on your back and your guy on top of you, between your legs. Have
him pull his body up toward your head so that his pelvis is slightly
higher up your body than it usually is in traditional missionary.
Instead of thrusting in and out, he should focus more on grinding
against your pelvis.
Why it works: Despite the clinical-sounding name,
this is a great position for a lot of women. Changing the alignment of
your pelvis allows for his pubic bone to rub up against your clitoris
and deliver the kind of direct stimulation that most women need to reach
orgasm. It’s great for women who are shy about trying a bunch of crazy
positions, since it’s extremely easy to maneuver into from the
traditional missionary. It’s intimate and low-stress at the same time.
Variations: For even more intense contact, try using
your hand to spread your labia apart so that his body rubs directly
against your clitoris. Or put a pillow under your hips to create a more
accessible angle. You can also try using some lube on your clitoris to
create an extra-slippery sensation.
How to do it: This is a somewhat complicated
position to get into, but it’s well worth the effort! You may want to
practice fully clothed to get a sense of where all of your limbs go
before attempting it naked. Have him lie on his back with both of his
feet flat on the ground. Crouch over him, with one of your legs between
his legs, and the other leg on his side. Gently lower yourself to your
knees, and use your hand to guide his penis inside of you.
You’ll essentially be straddling one of his knees, turning away from
him. For visualization’s sake, let’s imagine that there’s a clock over
his body with the 12 at his head. If you’re straddling his right leg,
your body will be pointing at about 7:30. If you’re on his left leg, you
should be turned toward 4:30. From there, you’re essentially going to
rock back and forth, rubbing against his upper thigh and pubic area.
Why it works: This position allows for fantastic
grinding action. You get to control the pace, and you get to decide
exactly how much pressure gets placed on your clitoris. It’s also a
pretty unique position.
Variations: This position is tricky enough, but you
can try adjusting the positioning of your legs wider apart or closer
together. You can also try leaning back or leaning forward.